Saturday, September 25, 2010

The (I Don't) Know-It-All

I am a know-it-all. I am the queen of random knowledge and the master of (useful and useless) facts. When I don't know something, I create an explanation or make up an answer that is so shockingly persuading it becomes a new truth (at least to me). I give advice like I have experienced every emotion and triumphed over every misfortune.

My friends and family joke with me about the plethora of information I dump on them without being asked, yet they also question me for answers and come to me for guidance when they are curious about an unknown or unsure of how to conquer a dilemma.

Well, right now, everything feels like an unknown to me and every situation feels totally foreign. Right now, I feel compelled to admit that I don't know anything. My usual confidence and assurance in myself and in the world seem to have been shaken. I don't feel like a know-it-all; I feel like a know-nothing.

The start of my school year has not been one of smoothness and grace. I made plans that fell through, and I expected to find joy in things that only left me with distress.

But, that's just how things work sometimes. That's just life.

Life is an endless continuum of happiness, regret, sorrow, and triumph. The only constant in life is that it is constantly changing.

I am a stubborn know-it-all, and I have been so wrapped up in my ways that I have failed to recognize that things around me have changed. I am a control-freak, but I cannot control the external forces of the world -- I can only control myself.

So, today, I have made a vow to regain control. Today, I have made a vow to explore these changes and to stop being upset by this newness. Today, I have made a vow to stop acting like a know-it-all and to accept that I must explore this ever-changing world in order to continually learn and grow.

Today, I have made a vow to be happy despite everything else. My happiness, unlike most other things in this chaotic world, is something I can control; I fully intend to do so.
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